More than a NEW year

It has been over a year since my last blog. Loss, fertility but more importantly living. I am living life the time I have been away not just a woman pursuing her fertility and maintaining her marriage but living. I did VEGAS girl style, Mexico with the Mister and the land of dreams Hollywood. Along with becoming a veteran teacher of 15 years in the game and still by some slim chance loving it here and there. Not just a veteran teacher but one born, bred and building in the trenches of a neighborhood city school where I see and help cultivate the roses among the concrete. Throughout all this life and living we got pregnant through IVF (which is a whole other life adjustment). Initially well throughout I have been quite hush, hush about this MIRACLE. Presently being 8 months with a 'normal'pregnancy I have allowed this journey or moment to go by without much fan fare. I told those who I took along on my roller coaster of loss and fertility initially and others knew from my growing belly. Many were afraid to ask because they remembered my losses and did not know how to ask or if I would invite them into this new part of the journey. That delicate space of 'don't ask don't tell' had it's own ebb and flow. At times I ignored the waves of others feelings about 'wanting' or 'expecting' to know and then there were times where the waves submerged me and I got swallowed into others emotions. However, I managed to put my feelings in the forefront and let the others weather the waves on their own - because after all at the end I have to be well for myself, my baby and my marriage not THEM. Yet, there were select others who were my watchful, patient, cheering section who perfectly balanced 'how', 'when' and 'just right' times to talk, LISTEN and sit with me throughout this new path of being pregnant at this time in this moment which is not the moments before it is different because it is now. Now, where I know I can endure, triumph and live again. This now life, different from before because I am different than before. So, for the last month of this new life inside of me I will tell about this difference coming back to blogging for such a time as this.