Hope???

I was more hopeful today than I have ever been since this process started again for me (us) 11/18. I felt renewed despite having a REALLY rough day yesterday. Having to talk about it and even being conscience of what has happened again (at times I forget and feel as if I am dreaming or its 5 months ago and I am not pregnant at all). Being in the moment is hard for me, knowing I have to let myself feel these things is even harder at times, I want to be strong for my husband and family so they do not worry too much about me but I am often reminded of my vulnerability as a human when the tears and wailing overcomes my ability to hold on. Knowing I am loved helps but does not soothe the aching in my heart for my children and the emptiness of my arms. But today I feel as if I can go on and get past this - despite the burning urge to be someone else right now. Can I be hopeless but want to be someone else too? I have hope for my (our) future for 2013 but plan on entering anew. Am I really hopeful being someone new? Am I changing or am I putting on a mask?