WOW not Again

I never thought I would be back here again. We were nervous but excited that we were pregnant again 2 months after the loss of KJoi. We arrived at the critical point of 22 weeks again and there was a heightened sense of worry. But things were going well until again at 22 weeks there was a complication which quickly lead us back to where we were 6 months ago with KJoi. There I was and it was happening again pre-term labor and losing another baby (Langston Joseph - LJ). We so badly want a family and there is no real answer for why it keeps occurring at 22 weeks with no apparent signs of trouble. Again there was the anger and fear that I will never have a family. I also begin to have fears about my marriage wondering if my husband would be okay with being in a marriage without children. I begin feeling inadequate that I could not give him something so natural as if I was depriving him of a desire - where would that leave us in our marriage? He is worried about me physically and mentally - thinks I may be going cuckoo and I know that is a reality. Losing 2 children in 1 year is too much for 1 person to handle I pray I and we can get through this and still hope for a family. I do know that I have so many people who love and care for me who are helping me through this yet again. They also want me to keep hope for a family. There seem to be many people I know who have suffered with miscarriages but never spoke about it - however for me there is a distinction between a miscarriage and giving birth to two babies, holding them, knowing them and not being able to take them home. Now there are 2 angels that watch over us Kjoi and LJ. I have not told some about our loss yet it was holiday and I just could not speak of it. Friends & family do not want me to be alone but I want to be in my home and not a burden to anyone else during this time - I know that is not how they may feel but it is my feeling. I am gonna go get some help for myself and for us too - just to be sure we are gonna be more than okay individually and as a couple.