Wednesday, December 12, 2012
breaking - reaching
Today I reached out. I called a friend and for the second time talked about this pregnancy & Langstan. I also reached out for support with my group (sharing with them) before meeting and some spiritual support. I am proud of myself but more importantly of knowing that God is still with me & talking to God again. For awhile I could not bring myself to pray or talk to HIM but each day I am saying more. Reality is still something I struggle with knowing I should still be pregnant and anticipating another child's birth. I feel strong enough to see and talk with friends but there is anxiety surrounding work. I have a few more weeks before it will happen but being the teacher with two losses is not how I want to be labeled. Am I cursed? Each time I think I or we are over the hump I am dragged back into the depth of reality and grief. Is this bottom? It is my breaking point clearly! From this point I am reaching for something, hope, faith and new beginning which will lead me to life again.
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Oh, I am so sorry for your loss my friend. To says that is sucks that this happened to you AGAIN, is an understatement. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete"Reality is still something I struggle with..."
I get that and it is so understandable. I know how surreal it is to suffer multiple losses and wonder why. I felt cursed and like the odds meant nothing for years.
I can't promise that you will get what you want/when you want it, but I do believe that your pain will get lighter and you will find silver linings in all of this. Hang in there. I am glad that writing and sharing here is therapeutic for you. As you know, it is one of the outlets that helped me to survive the death of my children too. You can do this. One day, one hour, one step at at time. Your Caring Connection family is here for you and sending lots of peace, love, light, thoughts and prayers your way.