Interesting...

Took a holiday hiatus but was reaffirmed that God is GREAT in my life. I had a test this week and drama added too. I am a godmother to two beautiful little girls & this week I babysat my youngest goddaughter who is 23 months old. I willingly signed up for this duty because I cannot handle them both at the same time. Many I am sure probably do not understand why I would agree to this because of the loss of my little girl a short time ago. However, it was busy, funny, creative, hot and refreshing having her here in my home. I got a small slice of what moms deal with daily with little ones and it was exhilirating and exhausting. It was a joy and I kinda missed her when she left but it is and interesting part of this journey. Engaging and intereacting with babies and/or children is unavoidable I have godchildren I love, and so many other friends/family with children or babies that are apart of my life. I know that it is only God that allowed me to be present through this test and I love it. My loss is no one's fault so I can appreciate all the babies and children around me because they are blessings. Although, it does make me think of things I will do with my children and could have done with KJ. What I discovered is that silence about a loss makes others comfortable but negates the presence of the loss, which is my baby, so this is my way of never being silent about her and the time I had her here with me. More intersting on this hiatus are those who have risen to the occassion in my life on this journey and surprisingly those who remain silent because of their discomfort. Still remaining is Gods's presence in my life, the consistent discord that the enemey continually conjures and my husband walking this journey with me. Truly I know what marriage is/takes through this draining ordeal we have taken turns to hold one another up when the other just wanted to lay down and give it up.