Middle Ground

It is one of those days today...where I am okay for a few hours and then something triggers thoughts of what could have or should have been. I should still be pregnant awaiting the arrival of my precious little girl. I could be decorating a nursery and preping for a baby shower. God had other plans for me during this time in my life. I hear that statement in my mind but my emotions still are not sure of what to do with that - accepting, angry, or unsettled. How do I accept this new plan, and why me and my baby along with not knowing what to do with all of my faith and what I have been taught bubbling over in me. God is the source of my faith but sometimes this pain and emptiness makes me question my God. Just as I am about to set up a place in wonderland I recall the comfort God gives me each day to wake up and get through the last month or so without her to hold or care for. Which is why today is one of those 'in between' days of moving forward and sitting still. The middle can be okay because at least I am moving. I pray I am moving in the direction of God's plan with a sense of expectation.