Dreaming

There are days when I think it never happened. I was dreaming about having loss my baby. Sometimes I think its a year ago and we are just now going through our fertility still hoping to get pregnant. That dream seems so real at times...I truly feel that anxiety about IUI process amd getting pregnant. Then it smacks me hard that I was pregnant even for only 6 months and Kennedy Joi was here and now she is gone. After this dream like state I wonder which is better - not ever having this experience of loss or experiencing my Angel Baby Kennedy Joi? I still am not sure of an answer most times it depends what day I am having on this journey. It is shocking how real the dream feels and how much I want the dream to be real at times. I wonder about if I was able to start this all over, what difference (if any) would it make for me on this journey - would this even be my journey? Then I realize would I have had my Kennedy Joi or more time with her? It's these questions that sprinkle my walk on this journey from time to time. I hope they (questions) go away but then that initial feeling of the dream where there is no sorrow no loss that I long for not this pain and emptiness I have. It is this place where I know only God can reach (I hope).