Ready or Not?

I feel ready to start again, to have another baby. Yet there are times I feel guilty about that feeling of wanting more. I feel like I should wait for her and her memory but there is another part of me that has a since of urgency about another baby. It's such a complex feeling. That feeling has guilt, desire and a need for accomplishment that we can have a baby a healthy baby. All these thoughts run through my mind and God helps me to control my thoughts much of the time but there is some lingering of the wrong thoughts. Thoughts about whether or not we can have another baby and how grueling the process to getting there may be with fertility. I am praying for a natural preganancy that God has healed and corrected areas for us to get pregnant on our own. But in the back of my mind is the reminder of how tedious and contrived the fertility process can be. Even still we are prepared if necessary for that route because of our desire to have a family. Other times I feel bad about putting my husband through this again because of course as the woman I feel as if it is all on me. I know it is not ALL or even any of my responsibility about what happened with my pregnancy or our baby but it is hard to at times to always see it that way. It is these feelings that creep up when I begin moving in the direction of having another baby. However, the desire ALL the time supercedes those feelings/thoughts. We are certainly going to have another baby but the timing is in question. We are okay with now being that time but I want to be sure we are being fair to the journey needed for our healing.