Happiness?

In this journey I thank GOD that I have no envy, jealousy and that I still love and want to walk with HIM. Yesterday, was a bit trying but worthwhile. Knowing others close to me are having babies and they immediately have experiences I did not and will not have with KJoi. We never heard her cry which is the one thing I truly wanted for my husband, to hear his daughter. I wanted him to have the jubilation of that sound at her birth. He was happy just to see her here and to count her fingers and toes but I wanted that moment enhanced by her sound. Although, it saddens me thinking of those things, I know these thoughts are apart of my journey. I am so elated for them and their launch into parenthood with healthy babies. I am thankful for some strange reason I feel as if I was prepared for this moment in my faith. I am not bothered being around babies, children and even pregnant women (at times). My experience is not their issue or fault it often takes me to a place of longing not envy or jealousy. There is no love in those places and I am person of love because God is love. I can talk about babies and children as long as people know I will talk about my baby too. It felt so good recently at a family function when my sister-in-law said "let me see pictures of Kennedy" (I truly felt like a mother) and it allowed me to relish in showing her pictures just like any other new mother. She is my baby despite her not physically being here. Please know I have happiness but there are moments along my journey where it is not always on my face or spilling through and even that is okay. God is on this journey with me, I continually seek his guidance as I walk into my life anew and I plan on being happy through this journey too.