4 years and 10 weeks

Today marks 4 year angelversary for my first child, Kennedy Joi while I care for my 10 week old baby boy, Kaden Amir. This day four years ago made me a mother and I had to start truly caring for her well being more than anything. I learned about parenting sacrifice and difficult decisions from KJoi's birth and death. She will always be with me, along with all the dreams I had for her. I say her name and acknowledge her life always but especially today when she entered this world. I learned much from her about selflessness and love most of all. Loving her enough to do what is best for her life was to let God have her fragile body not yet ready for this world. Being with KJoi started a new work in me, my faith and relationships were deepened. She has helped me become the mother I am today. Surviving the loss of her has helped me to thrive, living and cherishing all life moments. She has helped me to continue pursuing motherhood which was not simple or without obstacles. Yet, we are here with my rainbow baby after the storm. Kaden can never replace her presence in my life. I am enjoying this experience of motherhood with him albeit different from motherhood with her. I have been forever changed because of her and Kaden's life has been enriched having his sister as an angel watching over him. Loss changes but does not lessen especially for those who believe because HE enriches life giving beauty for our ashes.