Number 4

Yesterday was Mother's Day - I got loads of texts, FB posts and countless in person Mother's Day wishes. Many think it is my first Mother's Day yet, it was my fourth Mother's Day. I became a mother April 2012 and November 2012 to my two angel babies, Kennedy and Langstan. I know some feel awkward or uncomfortable about the mention of my angel babies, but they were birthed and lived (if even for a short time) as my babies so I will always include them in my motherhood story. I am forever connected to those who have wished me Happy Mother's Day these past four years. Having my rainbow baby (baby born after a storm/loss) makes this Mother's Day momentous and bittersweet. Momentous because now anyone and everyone can see me as a mother with him in my arms but also bittersweet because his older siblings are missing from our family. This experience has made me a much more deeply feeling mother that thoroughly lives in every movement, minute and moment of his growth, change and development daily. Having carried this desire to be a mother these last 5 years makes Mother's Day belong to me each day I awake, even if it is 4 am most days. So, no it is not my first I have been celebrating Mother's Day for four years keeping the memories of my other babies alive with me now as Kaden's mom. I am focused on being his mother which is enriched having mothered Kennedy and Langstan. This day can never pass without me speaking the names of all my children which I hope helps to acknowledge the place of all women who are mothers to angel babies and women who are battling to become mothers. Mother's Day encompasses all women in the diversity of what being a mother means and it's not always the babies/children you see that make a woman a mother.

THREEmendous Months of Motherhood

Wow! My goal was to blog more but being a mother has taken over my days trying to sneak in sleep in between feedings and being obsessed with taking pics of my lil baby boy. Well, here is the next edition...it is amazing how much he changes daily. He is developing his personality and I now know he is a morning baby but I am not a morning mama. However, when he hits me with those bright eyes and grin I cannot help but want to be up at 4 am grinning with him. Oh yea the breastfeeding thing is still going strong - although I am quitting daily - but it is the easiest in the middle of the night when he is hungry. Of course I am doing all the DON'Ts he is sleeping with me, I carry or baby wear him constantly and I do not always sleep when he sleeps hence me blogging now. I am also the googling Mom double checking that he is developing his milestones. Having him hold and grab things or simply rolling over makes my day I feel such a sense of achievement as his mother. As Mother's Day approaches I am in a different place because I have been a mother for fours years to 2 angels but somehow having my rainbow will make this weekend more monumental for me and my family. There are still days (and always will be) that I am spiritually overwhelmed and it comes out emotionally in my tears as I see faith fulfilled in Kaden's presence. At times worry creeps in that I am raising a black man in these times where Trump is a viable candidate to run our country. It is these times I go back to God and my faith believing he will lead us as we rear him in America in the 21st century. There are days I go through all these elements of spirit, worry, researching and loving (you say spoiling) him - did not know I would feel so deeply, daily. Again, I cannot praise my mother and friends that are mothers enough for their examples, listening ear but also learning that it is okay I am fallible and will make mistakes. Moreover, the team approach with the hubby has been the most rewarding lately - truly knowing we are in this tired and together. Kaden has changed our relationship, routines, sleep but mostly the depth or magnitude of love we experience because of him. Motherhood/parenting (I know cliche) truly is love.