Not that KINDA mother

With all the media and outlets to write and discuss parenting - mothering often is the foundation of much of that running dialogue. How to and what is the 'norm' or mom bashing. As a fairly new member of this sorority I am finding myself often saying 'I'm not that type of mother'. Being a mother is a process that I am coming into daily and learning who I am as a mother which often times is separate from who I am as a woman. The expectations and constant barrage of social media sites, posts, dribble and overflow of imaging, articles and how-tos is at times insufferable. The generations before us had the benefit of one another and actual interaction not just social media which is becoming a oxymoron because there is often no socializing involved it is random posts, tweets and chats which do not engage or involve others - mostly. My approach is to not beat myself up about all the times I do not meet the 'should' do lists of 'being the best or greatest parent'. In addition, to allow my children to see me authentically not a farce I present as all knowing but a human who can apologize, does not like to cook (or do it all that well either), who gets angry or emotional but always one who is talking and more importantly listening. Being the mother of two angel babies, which I wish made me distinctive but I know too many who are on that road, also has me wondering when and how to introduce my rainbow babies to their angel siblings. I am also debating if this need to integrate them in to my toddler's lives NOW is my way of ensuring I keep their memories alive for me to absolve my feelings of guilt. Guilt for not doing more to interweave them in to our/their lives sooner. Yes, this kinda mother wants to be certain she is also mothering those angel babies. The balance of mothering is always teetering and my hopes are that I do not lose or fail to show up for my children while it seems more is being added to the scales. So, I am okay with being whatever mother that shows up daily, healthy and whole not on any new list of must haves or must dos according to some arbitrary new post, quiz, checklist or any other new inventive way chosen to evaluate mothers. When you see me or my children know and respect the way they are being mothered without comparison or judgement because I am NOT that KINDA mother. Here is my attempt to keep my promise to myself post monthly although I have not posted since May...again the balance of the scales.