Me Maternal?!?!

Well, many say 'once the baby is born you will feel more maternal' especially to those fiercely independent minded women who others thought were too self-involved to be mothers. I think for some I may have fit that mold since I waited to my mid to late thirties, traveled often and was always on the go even after marrying, especially often without my partner. So my urge and vehement fight to have a baby despite my fertility at times may have surprised some but those who KNOW me were not at all surprised despite my non-existent maternal instinct to some. Well, he is here and I have spent the last 6 months day in and day out caring, falling in love, being emotional and being frustrated too. I always knew parenting was the most complex, challenging and worthwhile job one could do as a teacher seeing when it is not done well and having benefited myself from excellent parenting. But what many do not talk about is the deep set longing and tightening grip I would posses trying to hold on to the woman I was before I became Kaden's mom. Is there space for that woman, still? Do not misunderstand I unapologetically desire, love and crave my son's presence, smell and smiling yet sleeping face when I am apart from him and stare at him lovingly still in awe he is really in my arms looking to me for his all. However, I am, La Tanya, and she still dreams about La Tanya not just parenting - oh yeah also being a wife and partner to my hubby. As I peruse several articles between the naps, bottle cleanings, laundry, feedings, diaper changes and hours (opps I meant minutes) of baby programming and sprout that deal with mom shaming for women who do not fit the mold of all the definitions already determined by child manuals and how-to books - I realized I do not quite fit. I am set on making motherhood my own as I have with every other thing in my life - on my own terms. So, on my own terms I am not your typical woman so I am 'that' mom. The mom who is type A but also really not domestic and worried how my child is going to adjust or better yet how I am gonna adjust my pizza, taco, burger, salad, steamer eating menu for a growing toddler. Yet, I am confident I will work it out - that's just it I am growing more confident with each growth spurt he has my confidence increases. He is growing and developing because of all I and we have been doing together just fine so I am putting a new face on what is maternal at least for me. That confidence and willingness to accept who I am as a mother is the best thing I can do for my son because the saying about happy wife happy life - I think happy mom happy child. I encourage all new moms and seasoned moms you do not have to fit any mold even one you formerly had but create your own style of mothering/parenting that is best for your child and your home regardless of external pressures no matter how well meaning they may be - you are still the most important person for yourself and your child/ren. Stay tuned to see how La Tanya, the woman, wife and mom along with Kaden flourish.