Reflection, Realization and Reignite

Reflection, in the new year and on the eve of a pivotal birthday year (yasss I am becoming 40) I have been racing to catch up with my mind as it reassess my last year and the past decade of my life. I have come to realize that relationships are the crux of our being whether that is family, friendship and/or intimate relationships. How a person filters their reality is often through the connections with other people - I know I am witty, matter-of-fact, a deep thinker, loyal, a friend, partner, mother, woman and most important loved through other's interactions and responses to me. It is in those relationships I have learned how to be a friend, partner, thoughtful, candid, nurturing, and more of the woman I am. Here's the realization, the truth I have gained this past decade - well there are many - but the one I think most authentic to this season in my life today is not about removing others or who you need to lose, which is often espoused in the new year new me branding, but for me more about clearly knowing who I am and maintaining that person despite others or circumstances. So, my thoughts are not about those around me who may or may not be bringing life or truth but more about how I can be profoundly me in how I handle them. Figuring out who you are is a complex process in itself. Once you know who you are it seems you are constantly having to protect and assert that you/person regardless of pressures and desires from society, expectations of others and this imaginary idea of who you 'should' be. As a human you are constantly bombarded with an endless montage of 'shoulds' in my case the type of black woman you 'should' be, what you 'should' have achieved at a certain age or stage in life, how you 'should' partner in your relationship, not to mention the the best mothers 'should' along with the assortment of commentary on women and friendships. Yes, some of those 'shoulds' can be viewed as advice or practical goals but much of the space it consumes in our society or our minds squeezes out the space that confirms that who I am is enough in all areas of my being. By no means am I saying not to aspire to be better but I am certainly saying take care of yourself, take stock in yourself and not so much on outside sources or pressures. Knowing who I am, accepting and appreciating that helps me filter and make decisions about my life. I can say 'no' without anxiety, I can choose to overlook or address comments from others about my, especially my mothering, life. I can spend my time with whom I chose without obligation. Reigniting my goals to develop and complete a book, pursue a second career option that will afford me more time with my family, where I am more aligned with my philosophy of education and humanity (which contradicts what education looks and feels like for my community - different/later blog topic), and maintain and grow relationships that are complementary while enforcing boundaries on other relationships. For the next 40 I am going to be me in my fullness really stretching to envelope all the space in my life that I may give myself sincerely to the life I have been gifted. Out goes the sayings, mantras or cliches about ones's circle and/or leaving others behind AND up goes my mirror to reflect, realize and reignite to be my best self. Here's to 40 more...